You should see my partner, the A-List pop star. They’re gorgeous. I show them off to my 40m+ social media fans regularly.
Yeah, that’s a lot of fans. I’m the most popular celebrity in the world right now, in fact. A top model (catwalks and magazines alike) who can swan into restaurants from New York to Paris at a moment’s notice and still grab the best table.
I’m so famous, nobody seems to mind if I leave the house rocking a Dreadful Shorts / Awful Shirt / Embarrassing Mullet look. In fact, that makes me even more popular.
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My BFF Kim Kardashian agrees. We’re great mates: sometimes she lets me model her new swimwear collection, or wander around her houses when she’s away. Probably off naked-motorbiking with Kanye again.
Yes, yes, okay. Not real. For “40m+ social media fans” read “a few thousand Twitter followers, many of whom are bots”. For “New York to Paris” read “Bishop’s Stortford to Harlow, except on a Saturday”. And for “Dreadful Shorts” read… Well, actually that part is true.
Also true: I’m quite good at tapping on circles on a touchscreen when I’m told to. Which, happily, has turned out to be the key to achieving global fame and fortune in Kim Kardashian: Hollywood – her official mobile game.
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